


Cotton Candy Bingo: Theme – Speed Dating

by yokainomiko



Series: Too Many Women [8]
Category: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Awkward Conversations, Crack, Cranking the weird to 11, F/M, Female Guardians, Humor, Sexual Humor, Speed Dating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-13
Updated: 2016-09-06
Packaged: 2017-12-14 21:34:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/841638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yokainomiko/pseuds/yokainomiko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All Mafia bosses need to be total ladies men.  Reborn wants to make sure that Tsuna learns how to be suave quickly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part I

**Author's Note:**

> [Bingo Card](http://riceforbrunch.livejournal.com/12190.html) fem!Guardians-verse because I love that universe of mine and I don’t play around with it enough. Lottssss of crack here. Be careful guys. It should be 3 parts total, but I'm not sure when I'll be done. I just wanted to post something to show that I'm still writing.
> 
> Also, this is the first time I'm posting directly to AO3 instead of importing it from livejournal, so please let me know about any formatting hiccups.

Cotton Candy Bingo: Theme – Speed Dating  
Series: KHR (Katekyo Hitman Reborn)  
Pairing/Character(s): Vongola Tenth Generation, All27  
Genre: Humor/Romance  
Rating: PG-13/T  
Word Count:  
2328 (This Part)

\-------------------------------------

“Dame-Tsuna.”

No response.

“Dame-Tsuna.”

Again, no response.

“Dame-Tsuna.” This time the name was accompanied by the click of a released safety.

“Hiiiieee!” Tsuna cried. “Please don’t shoot me, Reborn!”

“Hmm…” Reborn moved his gun away from Tsuna. “Okay!”

“Oh, thank you, Rebo—” Tsuna was cut off by a gun to the forehead. “OWWWW!!!”

“I pistol whipped you instead. Be grateful, Dame-Tsuna.”

Tsuna rubbed his head. “You’re so evil, Reborn.”

“Yeah, yeah. It’s your fault for not paying attention.”

“So, what’s up, Reborn?”

“Ah, yes, well, Dame-Tsuna. I know you’re pretty bad at things, but there are some things that are simply inexcusable.”

“Huhh? B-but my grades are better now that I’m in high school…”

Reborn sighed. “It’s not your grades. It’s your way with women.”

Tsuna flushed. “W-w-whaaaa.” He couldn’t even complete the question.

“As a mafia boss, it is necessary for you to have a certain way with women. I was sure that by this point you would have had at least one lover. You _are_ sixteen, after all.”

“I’m only sixteen! That’s not old at all!” Tsuna protested.

“You are an _Italian_. Where is your pride in being from the sexiest country?”

“…” Tsuna blinked. “Wait, I thought Spain was the sexiest country?”

Reborn raised his gun. “Are you sure you want to be pistol whipped again?”

“I’ll be good!” Tsuna squeaked. “But, I mean, I talk to girls now. Isn’t that something?”

“Your guardians don’t count. Unless you’re fucking one of them.”

Tsuna blushed again. “How could you even say that?! That’s so disrespectful! And they don’t like me like that anyway!”

“It’s so cute that you think I care.” Reborn smirked. “Anyway, since you are failing at learning how to treat women on your own, I have decided to take matters into my own hands.”

“Oh, God,” Tsuna moaned. What is it this time? I have to figure out how to buy a hooker and haggle the price down?”

“That’s a good idea. But no. We will be having Vongola Style Speed Dating.”

“That sounds horrible.”

“It will be wonderful. I will give you a list of questions to ask women and you have to ask them comfortably and mean them. The goal is to make you more comfortable with women and more interested in relationships with them.”

Tsuna looked unconvinced. “I know I’m not going to like these questions, but who are you using for this? Am I going to get shot for this?”

Reborn tried to look as innocent as he could. It didn’t work as well as it did when he was an infant. “Why, I have no idea what you mean. We’ll just be using your guardians.”

“I’m dead. I’m so so so dead.” Tsuna groaned and held his head in his hands. “Time to update my will…”

\---

The next day Tsuna found himself at the spare house Reborn bought for Vongola Family events and waiting for his death.

“Now, is everyone clear on what is happening?” Reborn asked.

Gokudera happily nodded. “Yes! Tenth needs to become better at showing his manly prowess to others; so we’ll be taking turns speaking to him in a roleplay of speed dating!”

“Haha, Gokudera! We just heard it all! You didn’t have to repeat the explanation!” Yamamoto laughed.

“SHUT UP YOU STUPID WOMAN!” Gokudera yelled back. “It’s my responsibility as Tenth’s right hand man to make sure everyone understands the situation! Right, Tenth?” She said the last part with a radiant smile.

“Uh, thanks, Gokudera-kun…” Tsuna awkwardly praised.

Gokudera beamed back and the other guardians sent mild glares in her direction.

“Kufufu, so what is the order for this “speed dating” exercise?” Mukuro asked.

Hibari nodded from her space standing primly near a corner far from everyone else in agreement.

Reborn smirked. “I thought that Tsuna could pick the order.”

All five young women immediately turned to focus on their boss.

Tsuna fidgeted for a moment before yelping, “LET’S GO IN RING BATTLE ORDER!”

Ryoko pumped a fist in the air. “That means I’m extremely first!”

Hibari sighed. “So, I’m required to stay here for the entire time.”

“Kufufu, Tsunayoshi-kun has decided to save the best for second to last, I see.”

Hibari opened her mouth to say what she thought about that, but decided not to. “Let’s just get this whole thing over with. The baby told me that biting wasn’t allowed today.”

“Reborn?” Tsuna asked.

“Yes, Dame-Tsuna?”

“Can Neesan and I do this in a different room? It’s awkward enough having to do it, but in front of everyone is just…” Tsuna blushed.

“Of course, it’s fine. I set up the table for the conversation in one of the empty bedrooms.”

Yamamoto smiled, “Bedroom? Is there a bed too? Can we use the bed instead of the table if we’d like?”

Gokudera started screaming at Yamamoto, but before she could get far into her lecture, Tsuna grabbed Ryoko and ran to the room in question.

\---

They both sat at their chairs opposite each other at the table and avoided looking at the bed next to it.

“I will extremely start!” Ryoko exclaimed.

“Oh, uh, okay…”

“My name is Sasagawa Ryoko! I’m eighteen years old and a third year at Namimori High School!” She smiled. “Nice to meet you!”

Tsuna took a deep breath. “And the same to you. My name is Sawada Tsunayoshi, but you can call me Tsuna. I’m sixteen years old and I’m a second year at Namimori High School.” He shakily smiled back at her.

Ryoko smiled more brightly. “What are your hobbies?”

This was nice. This was safe. “I like to read manga and play video games. What about you?”

“I extremely like boxing!” Ryoko was having a great time. She got to go first and have an actual conversation with Tsuna! “Now you ask one!”

“Uh, well, I…” Tsuna searched for a question and asked the first one that he read off the list Reborn gave him. “How many dates before you put out?!” he blurted out.

“Put out?” Ryoko asked. “Put out what? A fire? I’d always put out a fire if there’s one near me.”

“Even if the fire is in my pants?” Tsuna asked. He facepalmed because that wasn’t sexy at all.

“Especially if it’s a fire in your pants! I’d make sure to get them off of you right away so that there’s no risk of you getting burned!”

Tsuna blushed, but was glad that Ryoko didn’t get what he was saying. “Socks? On or off?” Oh, God, if this is what he asks on his own, maybe he should stick to Reborn’s list…

Ryoko blinked. “I don’t understand. Maybe I should ask the questions… Hmm…. Wanna practice making out?”

“WHAT?!” Tsuna shrieked.

“I extremely want to become good at making out!” Ryoko beamed. “So do you want to practice with me? I believe in training all the time to get good at things!”

“I-I-I…”

Ryoko looked disappointed. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“I-I-I”

And so it went. For the rest of the session, Tsuna just stuttered and twitched and not a single additional question was asked or answered.

\---

Gokudera sat down and waited as Reborn literally smacked some sense into Tsuna.

“Dame-Tsuna. Do better this time! And you better ask at least two questions off the list!”

“Y-yes, Reborn!” Tsuna replied.

Reborn closed the door and left the Storm and Sky alone.

“Uh, hello. My name is Sawada Tsunayoshi, but you can call me Tsuna.” Tsuna started. That was the part that went well with Ryoko at least.

“Hello!” Gokudera smiled brightly. “My name is Gokudera Hanako. You can call me whatever you want! If you want me to bark, I’ll bark for you!”

Tsuna stared at her slack-jawed. “What?”

“Do you like cats better? I’m not as good at meowing as barking, but I’ll do that too!” Gokudera earnestly added.

Tsuna continued to stare.

“Unless you’re not into animal roleplays? I’ve been trying to figure out your kinks, but it’s not going very well! I’m so sorry, Tenth! I’m a horrible right hand man!” Gokudera pulled out some of her many acid packets and prepared to open one. “I’ll kill myself right now so you can find a better one!”

“NO!” Tsuna yelled, finally moving into action. He grabbed the packet and threw it in a random corner. “I’m just… surprised by what you’re saying. Isn’t it a little early for roleplays when we’re just getting to know each other?” he weakly asked.

“Oh!” Gokudera calmed down. “I see. We’re assuming that you haven’t finished your background check on me yet. Ask away!”

Tsuna didn’t know what to say to that, but decided to look at Reborn’s list for fear of being nearly killed in his sleep again.

“Uh, what would you do if I showed up at your bedroom window covered in blood?”

Gokudera shot up out of her seat. “Is it your blood, Tenth? I’ll arrange the slaughter of the entire famiglia of anyone who dares to make you bleed!”

“Hmm… No, it’s not my blood. It’s the blood of someone else.”

She sat down again. “Oh, that’s fine then. I’d call our contacts for body “mismanagement” and then clean you and the scene of the crime up. I’d then make sure to establish an alibi for you for the evening and frame someone else. Maybe someone from the Millefiore famiglia.”

“That’s… nice…”

“Thank you, Tenth! I try! Now I’ll ask you a question!”

“Go ahead.”

“What’s your favorite flavored syrup and would you mind its presence in the bedroom?”

Huh? “Uh, well, I guess I like strawberry syrup a lot. I guess it’s okay if you like to make shaved ice in the bedroom and leave the syrup there, but wouldn’t it get a lot of things sticky?”

“That’s the point, Tenth!” She grinned. “Your turn again!”

Tsuna read the next question off the list. “How good are you at tying/untying knots with your mouth?”

Gokudera frowned. “Oh, that’s not a skill I’ve really developed. I’m sorry, Tenth. I’ll make sure to start practicing as soon as we’re done here.”

“I really don’t think that your response is…”

“NO! Don’t make me feel better, Tenth! I know I’m inadequate to grace your bedroom! Please forgive me!”

Before Tsuna could say anything else, Gokudera ran out of the room after quickly picking the lock holding them in there.

Reborn walked into the room. “You’re pretty bad at this, Dame-Tsuna.”

Tsuna held his head in his hands. “I have no idea what’s going on here.”

“You’ll figure it out eventually.” Reborn paused. “Probably.”

\---

“Haha, so are you ready, Tsuna?” Yamamoto asked.

“Uh, yeah, so far we’ve been starting with introductions.” Tsuna replied.

“That’s boring! Let’s just skip into the questions!” she insisted. “What’s your favorite safe word?”

“I… don’t know what that means.”

“Hmm… maybe something easier then…” Yamamoto stood up and lay down on the bed. “Do you like to snuggle?”

Tsuna blushed. “I’ve never done that before.”

Yamamoto gasped. “That’s terrible! We have to snuggle right now! Get on the bed!”

“B-but…”

“Get on the bed!” she insisted.

Tsuna got on the bed. He couldn’t help it. He just cannot ever refuse any request from Yamamoto Takiko. “I still have these questions Reborn says I have to ask,” he said after Yamamoto grabbed him and tucked his fluffy hair under her chin.

“Then ask away!”

There was some odd creaking as Tsuna tried to rearrange himself so that he could easily read his list. “What would your partner have to do in order to get you to assassinate someone for them?”

Yamamoto laughed. “Haha, what a silly question!”

“I know, right?” Tsuna sighed in relief. “I mean, why would—”

“Like you even have to ask! I’d kill anyone for you at any time!” Her tone hardened. “ _Is_ there someone you’d like to take care of? I’ve noticed the class president has been spending quite an effort by insisting on spending time with you out of class.”

“W-what? No! Don’t kill her! She just wants to tutor me to get my grades up.” Tsuna turned to face Yamamoto. “She’s just being nice.”

She smiled tightly. “Nice, huh? Well, she needs to be less nice or else I’ll be giving her a special talking to in the near future.”

“Uh, why don’t I ask another question to avoid Reborn beating me up?”

Yamamoto yawned. “Okay, but you have to stroke my hair as you ask it or I’ll tell the class president that you and I have sex in the bathroom during breaks.”

Tsuna swallowed. “Why would you say that at all?” His hand trembled as he immediately started stroking her hair.

“Hmm, well, why wouldn’t I?”

“But, wouldn’t a rumor like that ruin your chances of getting a boyfriend?”

“Hahah, silly, Tsuna! I’m just marking what’s mine!” She yawned again. “Now, what was that question?”

“Oh! ‘Have you been tested recently? How were the results?’ I don’t know what that means.”

“Don’t worry, Tsuna. I’m a virgin. No need for testing. I’m always up for experimenting though~”

“I don’t think you’re answering these questions the right way.” Tsuna’s hand stopped.

“Hey, stop that. Go back to stroking my hair.” There was an edge to the command that had Tsuna’s hand moving at double time. “I think you just don’t get what you’re asking. Now, anything else?”

“Can you deep throat?” Tsuna blushed. He knew what _that_ one meant.

“Heehee. I haven’t tried, but I’d do it even if I passed out after if you wanted me to, Tsuna~”

Tsuna had a lot of things he wanted to say to that, but Yamamoto fell asleep and he was too scared to wake her.

When the time was up, Reborn gave Tsuna a reluctant thumbs-up. “It’d be better if this was post coital and even more so if it’d been your idea, but at least you’re getting farther with women.”


	2. Part II

It took Gokudera’s scream of outrage to wake Yamamoto up, but eventually she was roused and shoved out of the room for the next date.

Reborn locked the door behind him and left Tsuna alone in the room. Well, supposedly alone.

“Hey, Mukuro. Aren’t we supposed to be acting like we’re normal people? Or at least strangers? How are we supposed to do this if you’re using illusions?” Tsuna asked the air.

“Kufufu, but if you know I’m here, then why does it matter?”

Tsuna groaned. “Can’t at least one of these things go well?”

"Kufufu, Tsunayoshi-kun, are you trying to solicit me for sex?" Mukuro purred.

"What?" Tsuna squeaked. "No! Why would I ever do that?!" his voice increased in pitch as he spoke.

"Don't be a killjoy, Tsunayoshi-kun." Mukuro pouted while breaking the illusion. Her jacket hung off a chair and she casually lounged on the bed. "It's bad enough that the room still reeks of pedantic puppy and over-eager jock."

"Hiie! Why are you undressing, Mukuro?!"

"Oh for--"Mukuro snapped back. "Between you and the others, I'll be deaf before sunset. Luckily, I've taken the initiative to put up a sound muffling illusion." She shifted and settled on sitting up with crossed arms that pushed her bust up.

Tsuna flushed as he stared at her cleavage. 

Mukuro smirked. "I'm not quite as flat as those Japanese girls that flutter around you, hm?"

"I-I'm not staring!" Tsuna protested while his eyes stayed glued to the slope of the tube top she usually wore under her uniform jacket.

When she realized that Tsuna was completely captivated, she slowly slipped off the bed and shifted towards him before unbuttoning his shirt.

Just before she could push the fabric off his shoulders, Tsuna came back to himself. "Are you trying to stab me?" he asked.

"Damnit!" Mukuro hissed. She smiled awkwardly. "Just testing your defenses, Vongola!"

Years of indecent exposure helped Tsuna redress quickly. "I don't even know what you did, Mukuro. Was that a new illusion?"

"Kufufu," she laughed and sat on the edge of the bed Tsuna still stood in front of. "It's a spell only I can pull off. Now, will you indulge me?"

Tsuna rubbed the back of his neck. "I think we should start the speed date thing."

"That suits my interests. I will go first."

"Uh, okay?"

"How long is your penis erect?"

"W-What?!" Tsuna wheezed. "I-I don't know!"

"Ara, ara," Mukuro chided. "It is fine if you are small. I've heard that it's an affliction many Asian men suffer from. We can still thoroughly enjoy each other."

For once, male pride seemed to infect Tsuna's brain. "I'm not small!" he barked at Mukuro. "I just never measured! That wouldn't be right! Kaasan said so! Besides! Tousan said it made him proud!"

Mukuro licked her lips slowly and looked Tsuna up and down. "Lovely," she drew the word out and Tsuna started to have trouble breathing. "Your turn, Vongola."

"Huh?" Tsuna blankly asked.

"Ask me a question from the Arcobaleno's list," she laughed. She poked the sheet still clutched in his hand.

"Oh," Tsuna read yet another random question. "What is the maximum number of people you'd let in the bedroom?"

"I don't like to share," Mukuro replied. "I suppose it's a possibility I'm open to though."

Tsuna nodded, "That makes sense. I don't know why Reborn is asking whether or not you're okay with sharing a room. I think everyone had their own room in that underground headquarters in the future."

"He wasn't asking that," she demurred. "Now, we only have time for one more question."

"Already?" Tsuna was surprised. "Where did the time go?"

Mukuro smiled knowingly, "Where indeed? May I have the last question?"

"Okay, I guess. Reborn'll probably be mad no matter what anyway."

Mukuro stood again and leaned over Tsuna. She huskily asked, "Would you like me to take off my top?"

Tsuna gaped. The mist guardian took a half step back and winked while hooking her fingers at the bottom of her shirt.

She had just pulled the fabric away from her toned stomach enough to tantalize her boss with a flash of bra when the bedroom door slammed open.

Hibari stood in the shattered doorway with her tonfas raised. "Time is up," she growled.

"Ara, ara. Impatient, aren't you, little birdie?" Mukuro taunted.

"I think you two just gave me a heart attack," Tsuna gasped.

"Take your disgusting self away from my presence or I will beat you out of this building," Hibari snarled.

Mukuro gracefully slipped around the room. She donned her jacket as she breathed a soft "good bye" directly in Tsuna's ear.

Hibari flushed with anger. "Leave!"

"So cold!" Mukuro stepped into the hallway, pivoted, and blew a kiss in Tsuna's direction. "Next time, hm, Tsunayoshi-kun? I thoroughly enjoyed your reactions today."

Hibari pushed the door as closed as it could still go. "You will spend no more time with that creature, Sawada Tsunayoshi."

"I don't think she's going to stop bullying me anytime soon," Tsuna lamented.

Hibari scoffed. "Go on, then."

"Huh?"

"The baby said speed dating is an abridged courting ritual." She looked straight into Tsuna's eyes. "So convince me to marry you."

"Whu-- Buh-- M-marry?" Tsuna garbled.

The Cloud Guardian primly sat down and placed her tonfas on the table.

"Aren't all romantic relationships meant to end in marriage?" she asked. "What other reason would an individual attempt dating for?"

"Uh, companionship?" Tsuna offered.

"Hah, that's just an herbivore excuse for crowding." Hibari looked sharply between Tsuna and the chair opposite her.

She repeated the motion to Tsuna's confusion. Eventually he realized that she wanted him to sit.

"Er, uh," Tsuna clutched the very wrinkled sheet of dating questions tightly as he looked for a question that wouldn't end with him getting bitten.

"How often do you have one night stands? How many sexual partners have you had in the last month?" Tsuna mumbled.

Hibari eyed him like the sleepy carnivore she was.

"I mean, uh, do you really want to get married, Hibari-san?" Tsuna amended.

"Every woman wants a husband," she asserted. "Any who claim otherwise are either aware or attempting to hide how unsuitable she is to attract a male."

Tsuna was distinctly reminded of Haru's many rants about how all men prefer men over women and they just didn't know it. Well aware of what answers _not_ to give, he asked, "And you're suitable? To be a wife, I mean."

His current "date" sighed and shook her head. "Fine. It's non-standard but I will review my suitability first. I am a quite desirable bride to be. I would strengthen your reputation as your wife.

She pointed at her Bracelet of the Cloud. "This facilitates my fights and is a symbol that proves my strength. My title of Cloud Guardian of the Vongola implies that I am one of the strongest cloud flame users in the world and that I am trusted to protect important assets such as your safety and general well being. Similarly to how having my allegiance strengthens your title of Vongola heir, if we marry you will be presumed particularly precious to me."

Tsuna felt like his eyes were swirls as he tried to understand her logic. "But isn't marriage just about love? Why does that mean I'm strong?"

"The assumption is that if I can bite someone to death that you could do the same. Potentially with greater ease than myself. Love results from partnership."

"I'm not nearly as strong as you!"

"My husband must at least be my equal in battle." She crossed her legs. "You are not doing a good job at convincing me to marry you."

"I'm not going into battle, though!" Tsuna whined.

"There are many types of battlefields. Negotiations are a common though devastatingly boring example." Hibari curtly corrected.

"That's, uh, really insightful, Hibari-san," Tsuna commented. "I never really thought about how clever you are, but you're pretty smart."

Hibari nodded. "My intelligence is another trait that increases my value as a bride."

"I'm not smart at all."

Hibari leaned forward and grabbed one of Tsuna's hands. After fumbling a bit she linked her fingers with his.

Decidedly looking away from the blushing mafioso she quietly added, "A couple does not have to be equal in all matters. Marriage is a partnership. What's most important is that they push and pull each other and grow at a similar rate. One must never leave the other behind."

Tsuna stared at their interlocked fingers. "But what if I can't help being behind?"

"Would you ever leave someone important to you to struggle alone?"

"Of course not! I would help! As much as I can anyway..."

Hibari nodded and then smiled without any killing intent. Softly she asserted, "I would never leave you behind either."

Tsuna felt like his face was going to explode. "Hibari-san, I've never seen you like this. It's--"

"Get away from Tenth!" Gokudera shrieked.

Tsuna turned and saw the other guardians trying to squeeze themselves through the doorway.

Gokudera made it through first and grabbed Tsuna's free hand and started pulling him from his chair. "You scarlet woman!" she hissed.

When Gokudera tugged, Tsuna instinctively let go of Hibari's hand.

Hibari quietly looked at both of Tsuna's hands before abruptly grabbing her tonfas and attempting to smack the Storm Guardian with them.

Yaamoto slipped in between them both and parried with her sword. "Now, now, Hibari-chan. You could've hurt Tsuna," she chided.

"If the other herbivore let Sawada Tsunayoshi be collateral damage, I'd kill her," she calmly replied.

"Hiiee!" Tsuna shrieked, finally free of his handholding daze. "Don't you mean you'd bite her to death?"

Hibari shrugged. "Perhaps yes, perhaps no."

Mukuro laughed. "Oh my, but sometimes you are quite a treat."

"Killing Medusa would be extremely un-extreme!" Ryoko roared. She then grabbed Tsuna's now free hand. "Can we hold hands too?"

"Don't call me Medusa, you dumb blonde!"

"I-I'm not ready for handholding!" Tsuna squeaked. He pulled both his hands away from his two loudest guardians. "Reborn? Are we done now? Can I go home?"

Reborn stomped on Tsuna's head before standing on the table. "I just need to get a score from Hibari and then I will give you your grade."

"There were points? I'm getting a grade?!" Tsuna felt faint. "I can't believe this."

Hibari skillfully tucked her tonfas away and briefly whispered in Reborn's ear.

Reborn nodded. "Got it! Now the most compatible guardian with Tsuna is--"

Tsuna covered his ears in terror. Gokudera and Ryoko shoved each other to listen better. Mukuro looked confident at first glance but nervous with a closer look. Yamamoto casually polished her sword. The results would change nothing for her. Hibari planned a brutal beating juuust in case she didn't win.

"Sasagawa Ryoko," Reborn finished.

Ryoko whooped in joy just as Gokudera started strangling her. Tsuna tried to pull them apart and whacked his face on Hibari's tonfa.

Mukuro immediately whisked Tsuna onto the bed in her arms.

"Poor baby!" she cooed. "Do you want me to kiss it better?"

The question immediately halted all scuffling.

"T-that's okay, Mukuro," Tsuna replied. "Reborn hits me harder almost every day. But, uhm, Reborn?"

Reborn tilted his head in acknowledgement.

"Why is Neesan most compatible?" he asked as he pulled himself from an amorous mist guardian.

The former Sun Arcobaleno sighed. "Unfortunately, Dame-Tsuna, you are a failure at dating and relationships. The only one remotely as unsuited for an R-rated relationship as you is Sasagawa Ryoko. Do you even have any testosterone?"

Tsuna tuned out Reborn's insults. He briefly imagined the horrifically violent things his guardians would torture him with either on purpose or accidentally to push their relationship into R territory.

Meanwhile, the guardians accepted Reborn's explanation easily.

"I _said_ I needed practice at making out first," Ryoko muttered.

Yamamoto smiled. "It would be a shame if any of us pressured Tsuna into something he wasn't ready for."

"You're probably most likely to do that!" Gokudera screeched. "You dumb perverted jock and future rapist!"

Hibari turned her nose up. "I disagree with your choice, Baby, but I managed to survive this day with minimal crowding."

She spun with a twirl of her perfectly professional length skirt and left.

"Ara, ara, must the Skylark have the last word?" Mukuro's eyes twinkled. "I gained some valuable intel today and had fun. Bye-bye mafia scum!"

Mukuro waved at the others before disappearing in a burst of sparkles.

"That bitch has some nerve to call Tenth scum!"

"It's okay, Gokudera-kun,” Tsuna placated. "Let's just be glad she didn't fight with Hibari-san today.

"Hm? Tsuna? When did you start paying attention again?" Yamamoto asked.

"Err," he scratched his head. "When Hibari-san makes a dramatic entrance or exit, it feels like I can hear a piano playing."

Reborn smirked. "At least you have good intuition, Dame-Tsuna, sometimes."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote the second chapter! Finally! OTL
> 
> Hibari's thoughts on relationships are not my own. Also, there's something hilarious to me about Iemitsu telling everyone that his son has a giant penis. Does he actually? That's up to your imagination.
> 
> Some of these sentences did not want to get written smoothly! I did the best I can for the time being, but if this reads too choppily at parts, let me know so I can either try again or edit the bit out.


	3. Extra

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No Guardian left behind! Or something to that effect.

The last three female guardians finally agreed to leave.

Tsuna sighed.

“Are you okay, Boss?”

“Hie!” Tsuna shrieked briefly. He turned and saw Lambo piggyback riding Chrome. “Oh, Chrome, it’s you.”

Chrome smiled shyly. Tsuna instantly relaxed. There’s just something about this second mist guardian that he found calming.

“Give me one moment, Boss,” Chrome said before walking into the room Tsuna couldn’t get out of quickly enough earlier.

Since it’d be rude to leave when Chrome asked him to wait, Tsuna walked into the kitchen and sat at the dinner table.

A few minutes later Chrome entered the room and quickly set some water to boil.

“Where’s Lambo?” Tsuna asked.

“Lambo is sleeping,” Chrome absentmindedly replied. He pulled a few things out of the cupboards and drawers before mixing ingredients in a bowl. “How else could we have surprised you earlier?”

“I didn’t really think about it.” Tsuna scratched his head. “So why weren’t you here earlier?”

“Reborn-san asked me to watch Lambo today. He said under no circumstances was Lambo to interrupt today’s training. Did I miss anything major, Boss?” Chrome poured the hot water into a pot with some tea leaves and started melting butter on a pan on an unused burner.

“No, no!” Tsuna placated. “I was just surprised. Thanks for watching him for me. He wasn’t too much trouble, was he?”

Chrome flushed. “It was no problem, Boss.” He poured batter onto the pan. “It’s good to have the male guardians together sometimes.”

Tsuna pouted. “Technically I’m a male guardian too.”

Chrome grinned. He placed two plates of pancakes and two cups of tea on the table. “We haven’t forgotten you, Boss. Don’t worry.”

“I probably shouldn’t have those so close to dinner,” Tsuna mourned.

“I’ll keep it a secret.” Chrome winked at Tsuna and it was his turn to flush.

They quietly ate pancakes and drank tea. Once they finished they caught up on school projects and mafia current events.

Chrome looked at the kitchen clock and gasped. “Oh dear, it’s so late! Mukuro-sama and the others must be worried. I should go!”

It took longer for Tsuna to calculate how long it’d been. “Oh, Lambo’s been asleep for a long time, huh?”

By the time he’d finished the Mist Guardian had already finished the dishes and was leaving the kitchen to wake Lambo.

Tsuna followed Chrome and was treated to a groggy Lambo.

“Dame-Tsunaaaa, carry me~” Lambo whined.

Chrome patted him on the head. “It’s time to return to Mama, Lambo. Don’t you want to tell her about your day?”

Lambo grinned. “I love telling Mama about my day! Dame-Tsuna, hurry up! It’s time to see Mama!”

The Lightning Guardian rushed towards the door and tugged on Tsuna’s shirt. “Let’s go! Let’s go! Let’s go!”

Chrome laughed lightly. “Don’t bother Boss too much!” Tsuna flailed. “And I’ll lock up the house.”

Tsuna mouthed, “thank you,” while Lambo dragged him out the door.

The whole way home Lambo chattered about his day and asked which telling put him in the best light.

Tsuan found it just as relaxing as the quiet pancakes shared with Chrome.

“Lambo.”

“Yeah, Tsuna?”

“You’re a good guardian and a better little brother.”

Lambo beamed. “Thanks, Tsuna! Lambo-sama is of course, the best!” he paused. “I’m going ahead! Don’t be too slow, Dame-Tsuna!”

He ran down the street. Tsuna listened to Lambo’s fading steps as he took in the twilight sky.

Hoi, Dame-Tsuna.”

“Hiiee!!” Tsuna shrieked. “Reborn! Haven’t you caused enough trouble for me today?”

Reborn smirked. “I wanted to check in on your last two dates.”

“My what?” Tsuna asked as Reborn peered at him.

“Are you sure you’re not gay?” the tutor seriously asked. 

“Reborn!” Tsuna yelled. “Stop asking me that!”

“If you’re straight, I have to give you 20 points. You get 80 if you’re gay.”

THE END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This _was_ a Cotton Candy prompt. I planned this part first actually. These past few weeks haven't been fun for me, but I'm glad this story is finally complete. 
> 
> I'm not 100% pleased with this part (since to me it's the most important one) but it's better than that disaster of a 30 Rock fic I wrote.
> 
> I hope I made some people laugh over the years.


End file.
